Vulnerable
My Friend,
I want to know what you actually think.
How you really feel inside.
To know your dreams, deepest thoughts, honest attitudes, and every nitty-gritty detail that comprises who you are.
When I ask you how you’re doing, I don’t want you to just say, “I’m okay.”
I don’t need you to be ‘okay’ for my sake.
Nor do I need you to be ‘horrible’ for my comfort.
I just need you to be honest. Vulnerable. Good, bad, or otherwise.
I don’t like talking about myself much, but you should know that I grew up in a conservative, Christian community. The culture wasn’t inherently bad, but it had its flaws. To be as blunt as possible, there was a dehumanizing undertone in many of the cultural teachings:
I wasn’t supposed to be too much of anything.
I couldn’t be too poor, otherwise I was lazy.
I couldn’t be too rich, otherwise I was greedy.
I couldn’t be too sad, otherwise I didn’t know the joy of the Lord.
I couldn’t be too happy, otherwise I loved the world.
I couldn’t be too honest about my sins, otherwise I was boasting about them.
I couldn’t lie, otherwise I was heathen.
I couldn’t be too pretty, otherwise I was vain.
I couldn’t be too ugly, otherwise I wasn’t treating my body like a temple.
I couldn’t be anything overtly strong, wise, outstanding, zealous, or real.
I just had to be lukewarm.
Make it through this life with a half-smile on my face. And then move on to the next one.
Words will never adequately express how stupid, oppressive, and numbing this mindset is.
We weren’t created to fit in a “one-size-fix-all” box fabricated by man.
We were created—knit together with incomprehensible intention—to be real. To move mountains. To carry each other’s burdens. To laugh without regard. To fight for justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God. There’s nothing lukewarm, closed-off, or guarded about a person who lives like that.
Don’t be the type of person who I could know for 10 years but never know anything about.
Now, if you are that type of person, then you’re probably thinking:
“Why does it matter?”
“Why can’t I just be ‘okay’ and stay out of other people’s way?”
“Shouldn’t I just leave my past behind and forget about it?”
This mindset is selfish, and I’ll lean into the words of Oswald Chambers to replace your deceptive thoughts with truth:
“In order to be an influence in someone else’s life, you must be willing to be ripped open, torn apart, and placed back together by the Creator. Allowing His influence in your life is the only true way to influence others.”
With that said, I suppose I’ll close this letter with a simple question: Would you like to be an influence in someone else’s life, or would you prefer to spend the rest of your days in the assurance that the only life you’ll ever touch is your own, and even that one will only be lukewarm?
Time to make a decision.
